She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
