I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
