i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
