Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
