It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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