I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
