you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
