Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
