some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
