He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
