He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
