I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
