He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
