She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
