We won't sleep together?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
