watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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