my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
