Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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