i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
