apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
