my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
