John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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