she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
