whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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