drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
