Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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