Ambien. No doubt about it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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