Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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