How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
