she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
