Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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