maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
