For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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