The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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