u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
