I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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