I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
