You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
