Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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