He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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