I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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