ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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