don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
