Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
