I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
