your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
