Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
