I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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