our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
