Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
