"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
