just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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