woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
