I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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