the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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