apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
