I love black thongs
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
