I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
