how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
