I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
