I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
