I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
