Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
