my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
