You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
