Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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