so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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